What My Dad Has Taught Me.

I have to say first and foremost, that my sister wrote the most beautiful blog about these wonderful memories of our Dad. It brought back such a rush of my own memories and all day I have been thinking about the wonderful things my Father has taught me. So I am including the most memorable lessons my Dad has every taught me.

What I have learned from my Dad

1. The importance of budgeting and being smart with your finances. – At 19, when I decided I wanted to move into my first apartment my dad taught me the greatest lesson I have ever learned and still apply to this day. He told me that before I could move out, I had to create a budget and show him how I was going to pay my bills with the income I had. He made sure I thought of all the little things I would have to pay for. To this day, I still budget the same way and I have managed to save money, manage my debt appropriately, and live within my means. It is because of him that I have been able to provide for my family even through the most difficult financial times. He taught me to fish so I would never have to ask him for food.

2. Have strong work ethics and be dependable. – I do not ever remember a time when my dad was not working (except on vacations). I do not remember him being home sick, or playing “hooky” from work. He worked every day so our family could have the comforts of home, food, and clothes. We may not have had luxuries when I was a kid, but we never wanted to for anything because he went to work every day. I learned from watching him how important it is that I work hard and be dependable. As a result, I have been successful in my career because he taught me what it means to be a good, dependable employee.

3. Serve others in your family and in your community – My dad has always been a servant within the Church and within the community. He was always working on a service project within his callings. He has always been supportive to the elderly. My dad was usually right along side me during Saturdays when we would have a youth service project, never complaining, always making it a bit fun. He has shown me the importance of giving back to the community so much more than you get back because at one point, we all need someone so we need to be there when others are in need.

4. Have a sense of humor – My Dad is so funny. He is always telling jokes and making everyone laugh. Even in those moments when things are tense or maybe a bit uncomfortable, he usually makes things light by making things seem a bit humorous. He taught me to find humor and laugh in life. Humor can be a great coping mechanism.

5. Parenting is not just about teaching, it is also about learning – As a parent now it is so nice to be able to talk with my dad about my struggles as a parent. He seems to point out a lot now how much we learn from our children. It makes me realize that all those years he was trying to teach me, he was learning himself. I have watched my dad evolve over the years with each child. I try to remember that I am learning just as much as they are thanks to the words of wisdom from my dad.

6. Learn from your mistakes and be forgiving of others – My dad used to sit us down individually when we would make a mistake, to try to provide time for us to talk with him and show us how to learn from those mistakes. I made my fair share and he would always take the time to sit and talk with me about them. He would try to help me learn what I had done wrong and what I can do differently next time. He was forgiving and would move on from the mistakes without speaking of them again. He taught me once that if you continue to bring up mistakes, it was like ripping the bandage from a healing wound. You would have to start the healing process all over again. It is better to forgive and move on.

7. Family is the most important commitment – Family comes first. My dad was a busy man. He worked more hours in a week than I could count growing up. He held callings in the church. There were some days I did not see him. However, I knew without a doubt that my dad would be there every Monday night for Family home evening, every morning for family prayer and scriptures, and every Thursday night to watch our family sitcoms and eat popcorn (which I picked up from him as well.). Life is busy, but there are some commitments you make to your family that you must keep. My dad always kept those commitments.

8. Being a good parent means you get to be a fun grandparent! – It gives me hope when I see my dad playing with his grandchildren. All the years of hard parenting does pay off and one day, I will get to be a grandparent too! What I learn from him – have fun with them. Leave the parenting to their parents.

9. Raise your children with rules and boundaries, children need parents, not friends. – My dad set rules. He had no gray area. I was very clear with what my rules were and when I broke the rules, he let me know. What I learned from this is that children respect those rules and boundaries. Of course, growing up I thought the rules were so mean! Now that I have children of my own, I find that the rules give them more freedom because they understand what is expected of them. I always knew what was expected of me. In addition, my life has turned out incredible because I knew my boundaries. I have strong judgment skills and I am confident in my decision-making skills now thanks to the guidance I received growing up. (I call it guidance now, as opposed to “rules.” Because my dad created those rules, I am the person I am today. I see others who were not as fortunate and I see them struggle in their adult lives. My dad gave me a great gift growing up by being a parent to me – not my friend.

10. Unconditional love is the most precious gift you can give your children. – All those years that my dad would spend time talking with my mistakes prepared me for some of the most difficult conversations I had to have with my parents as an adult. But, every time I had something I had to talk with my parents about, I somehow knew everything would be okay. I know I have not followed the exact path my parents hoped I would follow, but they have loved me still. They have supported me every difficult step of the way. My dad has listened, offered advice, and been a true support and friend to me in my adult life.

Daddy, thank you for all you have taught me. I wouldn't be capable of anything I am if not for your guidance and love. I hope to continue your legacy through my own son.

I love you!
Your forever Princess
Dawn Marie

Miracle baby

During this very difficult week, Shane came to me with some very interesting questions and conversations. I am so amazed at how smart he is sometimes. He has such a wonderful, curious mind. And so often I underestimate his ability to grasp some more mature concepts.

Shane - "Mom, am I your only child"

Me - "Yes, you are my only child"

Shane - "Mom, are you going to have another one?"

Me - "No Shane, you will always be my only child."

Shane - "Well, I want a baby sister."

Me - "I'm sorry sweetheart, I won't be able to give you a baby sister."

Shane - "Yes you can."

Me - "no, I really can't. It's hard to explain, but I am not able to have any more babies."

Shane - "Well, Tyler and Bailey's mom had more than one baby. She had Tyler, then a few years later, she had Bailey. If she can have two babies, then you can have two babies. I know it."

Me - "Shane, I know you want a baby sister but it just can't happen for me."

Shane - "Well, Bailey was born a lot of years after Tyler. You just need to wait a few more years and then you can have a baby sister for me. That's how it works."

Me - I stood there with my mouth open, not sure what to say and he walked away with that statement as if that was the decision and the end of discussion.

I had my surgery. The tubal ligation is done and I will not be able to give Shane a baby sister unfortunately. This conversation with Shane happened on Saturday. I knew that after that I was going to have to talk with him about what had happened.

When I returned home from my surgery yesterday, he was so sweet. He didn't leave my side. He would help me stand from the couch, walk to the bathroom, he put lotion on my dried out feet, and most importantly he gave me lots of hugs and loves. As he sat on my bed with me I explained to him what had happened in my surgery.

Me- "Shane, I need to tell you about my surgery today. I know you want a baby sister, but the surgery I had to today made it so I can't have anymore babies."

Shane (as his eyes welled up with big, crocodile tears) - "why?"

Me - "because mommy can't have babies as easily other mommies can. I just want to enjoy being your mommy."

Shane - "you can't have babies easy?"

Me - "no I can't. I'm sorry. I know you wanted a baby sister, but you will always be my only baby."

Shane - "But I am going to be all alone. After you die, I will be all alone!"

Me - "no, you will never be alone. You will have your own wife and your own babies one day. And you have Tyler and Bailey and your papa dad."

Shane - "but my papa dad will die before you!"

Me - "Shane, you will have your own babies one day - maybe even your own baby girl. You will not be alone. I promise"

Shane (trying to hold it together, but the tears were slowly falling down his cheeks) - "okay"

And he gave me a hug, held on tight, and said "I love you"

I know these things are hard for children his age to understand, but it seems my son has the ability to process some concepts that are beyond his years. He is so concerned about when I die and being alone. I'm not even certain why this is a concern for him, but it is. Even though this seems to be a bit too adult of a conversation for him, I felt it was important to tell him the truth. I don't want him going through the next few years thinking that a baby sister would be coming soon. It wouldn't be fair to him. The rest of the evening, he didn't leave my side. He is such a sweet boy. And he was such a gentleman, taking such good care of his mommy. It's those moments I feel like I must be doing something right with him. Our conversation did not end with that one however. After he had some time to think about it, he asked me again this morning before he left for school.

Shane - "Mom, if you can have babies easily like other moms, how did you have me?"

Me (thinking - Not ready for the sex talk with my six-year-old! what now?!?!) - "I don't know. You were a miracle baby. That's why you are so special."

Shane (sitting and thinking for a minute, deciding if he will accept that explanation, finally let me of the hook and said) - "I'm a miracle baby? What is that?"

Me - "I didn't think I was going to have any babies. And then, I had you. I was surprised when I had you. That's why you are my miracle."

And with that he gave me a big hug, seemingly satisfied with the answers he received. I am certain he will have more questions. For whatever reason I was blessed to have him as my only son. He truly is my miracle.

For my sister, Shawna I love both of my sisters, Shawna and Crystal. They are two of my best friends and I love them dearly. I know I don’t tell them enough how much I adore them. I have still lived with Shawna longer than anyone else in my life. We shared a bedroom from the time she was born until I was a senior in high school. Roughly 15 years. She has been my best friend, my confidante, and a wonderful role model throughout my life. As kids, we played so many games together. We had the same Barbies, we both had cabbage patch dolls, we played so many make believe games, and would often sing and dance to music in our bedroom together. We were inseparable as teenagers. I can’t remember too often the times when I would go to events and she wouldn’t be there. My friends called her “little dawn”, which she claimed to hate, but I think she secretly liked it. haha I loved having her around. I can’t ever remember feeling like she was infringing on my space, as older siblings tend to. Then there were all those times we would "hide" in our room, talking about life, boys, and giggling as teenage girls tend to do. We would fight as sisters did, but we always worked it out together. Our discussions would sometimes be silly, but other times be deep and serious. She would give advice and listen, I didn't always agree, but loved sharing everything with her even if she didn't. I don't know how I could have ever survived my teenage years with out her. As adults, we have taken different routes, but my sister has never judged me or made me feel like my choices made me a bad person even if she disagreed with them. She is the most honest friend I have, which I appreciate. I prefer honest friends. She never holds back and I always know what she is thinking and feeling. I admire her for the strength she has to be that kind of person for it truly takes a strong person to be able to speak their feelings honestly. She set a standard for other friends. Now we are grown, with our own children. We have our own day-to-day struggles, and we have led very different adult lives. But she is always there when I need her, even if I have not always reached out to her. Some days I am sad that we aren’t as close as we were as kids. But, then we get together and it is as if we were never apart. I realize that we are bonded in a way that cannot be broken even if we aren’t together for a long period of time. Because of that bond, we will always be close. Shawna, I love you. Thank you for being my closest, long-time dearest friend. I appreciate your example of courage and strength. I love you for who you are, for your honesty, sense of humor, sarcasm, and acceptance of our differences. I look forward to many more years of fun and friendship!