During the first three months of this year, I have traveled on business a lot. I also anticipate that I will travel a little more than I had in the past. For me, there are so many anxieties that go along with traveling. But don’t get me wrong….I LOVE going on business trips.
Growing up and until the last few years, I have always been an introvert. I have started to come out of my introverted ways and learn to become more extroverted through some life lessons. Oftentimes I am afraid of my own shadow. I tend to be afraid to try new things, meet new people, and get outside my comfort zone. When I chose my career, I had no idea that I was going to have to force myself outside of who I was comfortable being in order to attain my goals. Anytime I spoke in front of a group of people about business topics or in meetings, my voice would be shaky and I would get sweaty, hot, red – not pretty at all. Assertiveness has always been challenging for me. Before I leave for a business trip, I get very nervous. I feel as if I’m about to go on a roller coaster ride for the first time. And I love roller coasters. But every time I ride one, I still feel nervous. That is part of the appeal. Getting the butterflies, knowing what to expect but not being certain if I can handle it. It is really scary for me to embark on these trips. Especially to go alone. I am more comfortable having a “wingman” (or woman) that will bring me along, take me under their wing, and introduce me to people. Recently, I was passed up for a promotion because I tend more to sit in the shadows of others rather than assert myself. Well, that was enough to push me away from my fears because I want more for myself than I have in my career. Sure, I am told that I am a valued employee with strong skills (blah, blah, blah). But I have realized that if I want opportunities, no matter how much people appreciate me and respect me in my roll, I have to create those opportunities for myself. In order to create those opportunities, I have to travel a bit.
When I go, I have to trust that things will run the way they should. I have to hope that Shane will not struggle too much without me. I worry that things will not be taken care of properly. Because as most moms know, when mom is gone things just don’t run as smoothly. We love dads, but men aren’t really known for their homemaking or multi-tasking capabilities (I know there are exceptions!). I also usually have to have my wonderful mother-in-law come in to help and if she can’t, I have to hire someone to help our family in my absence. When I return, if everyone survived my absence and the house isn’t turned upside down then I’m happy.
Women often face difficult choices between family and career. We make a lot of sacrifices in our careers for our family and sometimes we must sacrifice a few things in our family for the career. But given the choice, women will often choose family first because it is our nature. I like to think I can have it all. I like to think that I don’t have to sacrifice anything, that I can have the best of both worlds. Very naïve of me, I know. But, I still face those choices often and I am fortunate to work for a company that believes in the “Family First” philosophy. At the end of the day, my career is important to my family. What continue to build for myself in my career has also built some levels of comfort in our home that we would not enjoy without it. So I may have to sacrifice a few things with the family in order to provide for my family, at the same time I get to enjoy what I am doing as well. I am very fortunate to have a supportive family who wants to see me succeed and fortunate to have such a fun career where I can have incredible opportunities for myself.
About Me
- Dawn Marie
- My life consists of one full-time job after another and I wouldn't have it any other way. I believe that, sometimes, bad things happen for no reason at all. But the strength within gets us through difficult times.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
I Love Happy Accidents!
Sometimes I have an idea that isn’t really thought out, I just do it not really expecting anything to come from it. Not long ago, I had what I like to call a “Happy Accident”. I did something just because I was having a crazy evening and my brain was having a hard time staying on track.
About two weeks ago, I had a crazy night. I picked up all the children and came home. Tyler and Bailey have their routines. They are awesome at coming home and doing what they need to do. But, I still spend some time with them going over their grades and listening to the happenings of their lives, making sure I am keeping up with their activities as well. At the same time, Shane still had to finish some homework and has a really hard time on the nights that Tyler and Bailey are there because he has to share my attention. They can also be very distracting because he likes to know what everyone is doing all the time. He hates to share my attention with anyone so he does everything he can to get my attention on these nights. When it is just him and I, he knows he can get my attention at any point so he doesn’t act up nearly as much. It is like I’m running a three-ring circus around the house when the day is over, especially during the days when there are extracurricular activities.
One evening in particular, he had homework to finish, dinner to eat, we were baking a cake for Troy for his birthday, nightly chores, and he had to get ready for bed. For Tyler and Bailey, these tasks are robotic for them. They just know this is our routine, every night. For Shane, he doesn't function as easily as the other two with his routine. Children with ADHD struggle with sequencing. If something distracts them, they get off task very easily. They also cannot go from A-B-C without being constantly reminded of the routine. I still have a great deal of things that I am trying to do for the family and for me. That night, I had so sit with Shane through everything he had to get done. I had to sit with him while he read his book and his sight words, sit with him and keep him focused on eating dinner, walk him through taking out the trash and cleaning up his room. All the while trying to give Tyler and Bailey the attention they need, getting dinner prepared, and trying to get a quick run or workout done for me.
Needless to say, Shane and I were both having a very hard time staying on track with what needed to be done. So, on a whim, I wrote down everything that I needed Shane to focus on and all the things I needed to get done for the evening. I do make lists on occasion when I am overwhelmed because it helps me stay focused. At the end of our list was “watch TV”. That was the light at the end of our tunnel. The rest of the night, when he got lost or off task, I would refer him back to his “to-do” list to get him back on track. If I got confused or forgot what was next for him to do, I could refer back to the list. It was amazing how much easier that was for both of us. I tried it the next evening and the next morning. Again, things ran a bit more smoothly for us. So, I decided to get him a dry erase board for his room where we could right down his to-do list every morning to get ready for school and every afternoon when we got home. At the end of each list is “Watch TV”. And because he is very structured, his brain does not skip around the board. He has to follow the list exactly as it is written. He absolutely will not go out of order. So, until everything else is done, he will not watch TV. It is very interesting to watch how he functions sometimes. In many cases, I can use his tendencies to my advantage. It’s learning what they are that is pretty tricky. Of course, we have checks and balances to make sure he is actually completing the task on his list because I am well aware that he could just cross something off a list without actually doing it. In the mornings, my goal is to make sure he is sitting in front of the TV, backpack ready, and jacket on, so when it’s time to go there is not scrambling to make sure everything has been done. So far, things have been working with this new idea, my “Happy Accident”. We still have our struggles, he still has challenges with staying focused on task. This is definitely not a magic cure, but it has helped so much.
As I have been reading books on ADHD, they actually recommended creating a list like this or a chart that helps them stay on task. I felt pretty smart for coming up with this one on my own. :) And it is good to see Shane getting through his list in a positive way rather than having me nag him and get after him, which is more negative for him. He actually feels a sense of accomplishment every time he marks something off his list. We both feel much more confident and I am not nearly as anxious about what our afternoons are going to look like now. I’m sure the same goes for him as well.
About two weeks ago, I had a crazy night. I picked up all the children and came home. Tyler and Bailey have their routines. They are awesome at coming home and doing what they need to do. But, I still spend some time with them going over their grades and listening to the happenings of their lives, making sure I am keeping up with their activities as well. At the same time, Shane still had to finish some homework and has a really hard time on the nights that Tyler and Bailey are there because he has to share my attention. They can also be very distracting because he likes to know what everyone is doing all the time. He hates to share my attention with anyone so he does everything he can to get my attention on these nights. When it is just him and I, he knows he can get my attention at any point so he doesn’t act up nearly as much. It is like I’m running a three-ring circus around the house when the day is over, especially during the days when there are extracurricular activities.
One evening in particular, he had homework to finish, dinner to eat, we were baking a cake for Troy for his birthday, nightly chores, and he had to get ready for bed. For Tyler and Bailey, these tasks are robotic for them. They just know this is our routine, every night. For Shane, he doesn't function as easily as the other two with his routine. Children with ADHD struggle with sequencing. If something distracts them, they get off task very easily. They also cannot go from A-B-C without being constantly reminded of the routine. I still have a great deal of things that I am trying to do for the family and for me. That night, I had so sit with Shane through everything he had to get done. I had to sit with him while he read his book and his sight words, sit with him and keep him focused on eating dinner, walk him through taking out the trash and cleaning up his room. All the while trying to give Tyler and Bailey the attention they need, getting dinner prepared, and trying to get a quick run or workout done for me.
Needless to say, Shane and I were both having a very hard time staying on track with what needed to be done. So, on a whim, I wrote down everything that I needed Shane to focus on and all the things I needed to get done for the evening. I do make lists on occasion when I am overwhelmed because it helps me stay focused. At the end of our list was “watch TV”. That was the light at the end of our tunnel. The rest of the night, when he got lost or off task, I would refer him back to his “to-do” list to get him back on track. If I got confused or forgot what was next for him to do, I could refer back to the list. It was amazing how much easier that was for both of us. I tried it the next evening and the next morning. Again, things ran a bit more smoothly for us. So, I decided to get him a dry erase board for his room where we could right down his to-do list every morning to get ready for school and every afternoon when we got home. At the end of each list is “Watch TV”. And because he is very structured, his brain does not skip around the board. He has to follow the list exactly as it is written. He absolutely will not go out of order. So, until everything else is done, he will not watch TV. It is very interesting to watch how he functions sometimes. In many cases, I can use his tendencies to my advantage. It’s learning what they are that is pretty tricky. Of course, we have checks and balances to make sure he is actually completing the task on his list because I am well aware that he could just cross something off a list without actually doing it. In the mornings, my goal is to make sure he is sitting in front of the TV, backpack ready, and jacket on, so when it’s time to go there is not scrambling to make sure everything has been done. So far, things have been working with this new idea, my “Happy Accident”. We still have our struggles, he still has challenges with staying focused on task. This is definitely not a magic cure, but it has helped so much.
As I have been reading books on ADHD, they actually recommended creating a list like this or a chart that helps them stay on task. I felt pretty smart for coming up with this one on my own. :) And it is good to see Shane getting through his list in a positive way rather than having me nag him and get after him, which is more negative for him. He actually feels a sense of accomplishment every time he marks something off his list. We both feel much more confident and I am not nearly as anxious about what our afternoons are going to look like now. I’m sure the same goes for him as well.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Change #1 - The New Diet
A lot of changes have taken place in our home over the past few weeks. And it has been rather challenging.
After starting the evaluation process, I began talking to a few friends about some short-term solutions on how to help improve Shane’s behavior.
We started with his diet. It was very difficult since Shane has step-siblings who do not have to be on any kind of special diet. I am trying to eliminate as much sugar as I possibly can. It is amazing to me just how much sugar is in everything. I have been on a mission to find things that are natural sugars and complex carbohydrates, eliminated white sugars, refined or processed foods, and foods containing dyes. This means that there are so many things that he loves to eat that he can no longer have such as Corn Pops, Granola Bars, fruit cups, Gatorade, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and I could go on.
I felt it was very important that he get to choose what foods he can eat. So, we took a trip to the store together to pick some new items for him. It was also a bit of a mourning process for him because as we went down the cereal aisle, I taught him how to read food labels and what is an acceptable amount of sugar and what is not. I can live with 2-3 grams of sugar, but anything more than that is a “no-no”. So, as he realized that his yummy cereals were on the list of what-not-to-eat, he cried, hugged the cereal box and said a very sad goodbye. We did this with a few other items as well but I think all-in-all it was important to have him involved so he would understand why we were doing this, not just because I said so.
Now, we only buy fresh fruits and vegetables for him to eat. He has high protein meals. He drinks water and unsweetened Almond Silk – which he thinks tastes just like milk. And any chips or cracker he has is only whole grain and gluten-free. He does still get the occasional treat, after all he is still a kid, but I make sure that it is only on the weekends where I can monitor his behavior. For the most part, he has adjusted to the changes in his diet.
Occasionally he still gets upset or sad when he is not allowed to have something that the other kids have, and that’s okay.
Some parents may judge me for discussing ADHD and the impacts it has on him with Shane, but I have felt that it is very important that he understand why we are making the changes we are. Part of his struggle is that he does not handle change well, so in order for him to understand what is happening, to prepare him for upcoming changes in his life, he needs to understand why. In my opinion, and I’m sure some disagree, I don’t think it’s fair to expect children to go along with something just because I am the adult and he should respect that and listen to what I say. Obviously there is a line here so there will be few times when things do not need to be explained, but I try to be as open and honest with Shane as possible and as often as I can be. Besides, there is no magical cure for ADHD. He will struggle with this his entire life. The best thing I think I can do for him is start educating him now on the tools he needs to manage it so that one day he will be able to be successful in life, on his own.
After starting the evaluation process, I began talking to a few friends about some short-term solutions on how to help improve Shane’s behavior.
We started with his diet. It was very difficult since Shane has step-siblings who do not have to be on any kind of special diet. I am trying to eliminate as much sugar as I possibly can. It is amazing to me just how much sugar is in everything. I have been on a mission to find things that are natural sugars and complex carbohydrates, eliminated white sugars, refined or processed foods, and foods containing dyes. This means that there are so many things that he loves to eat that he can no longer have such as Corn Pops, Granola Bars, fruit cups, Gatorade, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and I could go on.
I felt it was very important that he get to choose what foods he can eat. So, we took a trip to the store together to pick some new items for him. It was also a bit of a mourning process for him because as we went down the cereal aisle, I taught him how to read food labels and what is an acceptable amount of sugar and what is not. I can live with 2-3 grams of sugar, but anything more than that is a “no-no”. So, as he realized that his yummy cereals were on the list of what-not-to-eat, he cried, hugged the cereal box and said a very sad goodbye. We did this with a few other items as well but I think all-in-all it was important to have him involved so he would understand why we were doing this, not just because I said so.
Now, we only buy fresh fruits and vegetables for him to eat. He has high protein meals. He drinks water and unsweetened Almond Silk – which he thinks tastes just like milk. And any chips or cracker he has is only whole grain and gluten-free. He does still get the occasional treat, after all he is still a kid, but I make sure that it is only on the weekends where I can monitor his behavior. For the most part, he has adjusted to the changes in his diet.
Occasionally he still gets upset or sad when he is not allowed to have something that the other kids have, and that’s okay.
Some parents may judge me for discussing ADHD and the impacts it has on him with Shane, but I have felt that it is very important that he understand why we are making the changes we are. Part of his struggle is that he does not handle change well, so in order for him to understand what is happening, to prepare him for upcoming changes in his life, he needs to understand why. In my opinion, and I’m sure some disagree, I don’t think it’s fair to expect children to go along with something just because I am the adult and he should respect that and listen to what I say. Obviously there is a line here so there will be few times when things do not need to be explained, but I try to be as open and honest with Shane as possible and as often as I can be. Besides, there is no magical cure for ADHD. He will struggle with this his entire life. The best thing I think I can do for him is start educating him now on the tools he needs to manage it so that one day he will be able to be successful in life, on his own.
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