Happy for Spring!

It's been awhile since I've posted.  But my life has been a whirlwind over the past 8 months.

My divorce was finalized
Brandon moved in
Shane changed medications a couple times with some bumpy months of new/old issues
Spring finally arrived! (which means my outdoor activities increased!)

At the end of it all, I have so many things to be grateful for and am finding the peace and support I have longed for and needed so much.

Most importantly, I am happy. 

I look forward to my weekends and I look forward to going home after work. 

I get to do things for me...and I don't feel guilty.

I can take care of my family and they love me for it.

Brandon and Shane love me for who I am and all that I am.  I feel accepted in my home and I don't feel like I have to change for even a second to make someone else happy.  In turn, I accept them for who they are so they feel they can be who they are.  It's the balance within a family that I have never felt before. 

Shane is happy too, and doing incredibly well.  He is exceling in school, his behavior has been a complete turn around since we started him on some new meds and found a way for him to get a decent nights sleep.  I am so thankful for modern day medicine.  He also has a loving and attentive father who has been wonderful with him.  I asked Shane last weekend if he had a fun day and he said to Brandon and I,  "Thank you for making my life better."  I can honestly say that this boy needed his father for so many things I couldn't give him.  I am thankful every day for the path that led me back to him.  Not only for Shane, but for all he does to make my life better too. 

Change is often times, the best possible option for improvement in life.

So....I can't wait for summer.  Spring has been a blast but we are ready to take the skiis out, have some BBQ's, enjoy some fun activities, hang out with some awesome friends, and be together as a family for the first time in many years. 

♥

"Life is a Highway" as the song says....

How much fun would life be if the paths we took was one straight road? No twists, no turns, nothing unexpected. Sometimes I think we all wish we could see straight ahead. There would be no questions about what is to come. There would be no surprises when something unexpected happened because you would be able to see it from a mile away if heading down a straight path. You could plan accordingly because you would know exactly what was coming from miles away. You could mentally prepare, have a plan of attack, develop strategies and have the right tools ready. How much easier would everything be if you could just SEE what was coming? Everything would sure be easier, but would it be any fun to know what’s coming? Maybe “FUN” isn’t the right word….


Unfortunately, life just isn’t that way.

Life is a mountainous road. Yes, a very windy, steep, curvy road. Sometimes there are ups and other times there are downs. Sometimes you come to a turn that requires you to slow down to a very safe speed so you don’t go over the edge.(yikes!) Some see these types of roads “fun”, but they are more often stressful and hard to maneuver through as opposed to “fun”….. At least for me.

When I traveled to Sedona this last summer with the family, there was a road that reminds me so much of my life. Realistically, it was about a 10 mile long road. It took about 45 minutes to travel that part of the highway because of its hair pin turns, steep climbs and dips, and all of the foliage that blocked our view from seeing the road ahead. If I went too fast, I felt like I was putting the family at risk. If I went too slowly, the cars around me would get so annoyed; they would tailgate me until I pulled over to let them pass. But each time we had to climb this road, or descend into the canyon on this road, the pressure I felt getting to and from our destination was stressful because I wanted to make sure I was making the right decisions with my driving to ensure everyone’s safety.

Certainly a car is much easier to maneuver on a steep road than life is. No matter how much I try to control the way I maneuver through life, it just doesn’t seem to get easier. When I was younger and less cautious, I would whip around those turns in life and go for it. Not really thinking about the impact. I wonder some days how I got through it all unscathed. Over time, I have significantly slowed down to a more cautious speed. I want to make the right decisions for myself and my family. I want to make sure that they are all safe. But sometimes, those turns are just too much and I can’t necessarily control all of the elements surrounding me. All I can control is my reaction, how I handle myself in certain situations. That in itself is not the easiest thing. I now have to remember that my decisions ultimately affect a little boy who is sitting in the backseat, trusting me to get him where he needs to go which makes me slow way down and think a little more cautiously about how I approach different situations.

My decisions have led me to even more unexpected twists and turns. Occasionally I have to stop and take a deep breath, but I hold onto the wheel and keep going. It is a very long road that could end at any moment. Life is definitely more interesting when you don’t know what is to come. But some days, I really wouldn’t mind if I could get a straight patch of road for awhile....

Vacation Fun

Ahhhhhh, Vacation.  Don't we all love it?  We get to leave normal life, go crazy, and have chaotic fun!

For spring break, we went out to California to visit family.  It was so fun to see all the cousins together on Saturday, playing in the spa and furiously hunting for Easter Eggs in the back yard, just as we did as children.  After Sunday dinner, it was great to sit with Shawna, Crystal, Bryan, grandma jo, mom, and dad reminiscing about old times and laughing about how goofy we were as kids.  Grandma Jo even had pictures to share!  Not too mention what happened to the poor Marie Calendar's cheesecake as we all sat around and attacked it.  But what a fun bonding moment.  It was almost like we all went back in time for that one instance and became kids again.  I had a blast with my two sisters when we got to spend some alone time together at brunch.  They are two of my best friends and I couldn't get through life without them. 

Monday thru Wednesday, we went to Disneyland.  What a whirlwind of fun!

On Thursday we got to spend some time at the beach. I'm a California girl, but I have my limits so you will never find me in the cold water in April.  Brrrrrrrr!  But, Troy and Bailey played in the water while the cousins all played in the sand, collected seashells, and just enjoyed spending time together. I enjoyed some time with my sister while watching all of the kids enjoy one another's company.

On Friday, we had to head home, back to the real world of schedules, work, and school.  But we made some great memories.  Can't wait to do it again!

When the working mom must travel...

During the first three months of this year, I have traveled on business a lot. I also anticipate that I will travel a little more than I had in the past. For me, there are so many anxieties that go along with traveling. But don’t get me wrong….I LOVE going on business trips.

Growing up and until the last few years, I have always been an introvert. I have started to come out of my introverted ways and learn to become more extroverted through some life lessons. Oftentimes I am afraid of my own shadow. I tend to be afraid to try new things, meet new people, and get outside my comfort zone. When I chose my career, I had no idea that I was going to have to force myself outside of who I was comfortable being in order to attain my goals. Anytime I spoke in front of a group of people about business topics or in meetings, my voice would be shaky and I would get sweaty, hot, red – not pretty at all. Assertiveness has always been challenging for me. Before I leave for a business trip, I get very nervous. I feel as if I’m about to go on a roller coaster ride for the first time. And I love roller coasters. But every time I ride one, I still feel nervous. That is part of the appeal. Getting the butterflies, knowing what to expect but not being certain if I can handle it. It is really scary for me to embark on these trips. Especially to go alone. I am more comfortable having a “wingman” (or woman) that will bring me along, take me under their wing, and introduce me to people. Recently, I was passed up for a promotion because I tend more to sit in the shadows of others rather than assert myself. Well, that was enough to push me away from my fears because I want more for myself than I have in my career. Sure, I am told that I am a valued employee with strong skills (blah, blah, blah). But I have realized that if I want opportunities, no matter how much people appreciate me and respect me in my roll, I have to create those opportunities for myself. In order to create those opportunities, I have to travel a bit.

When I go, I have to trust that things will run the way they should. I have to hope that Shane will not struggle too much without me. I worry that things will not be taken care of properly. Because as most moms know, when mom is gone things just don’t run as smoothly. We love dads, but men aren’t really known for their homemaking or multi-tasking capabilities (I know there are exceptions!). I also usually have to have my wonderful mother-in-law come in to help and if she can’t, I have to hire someone to help our family in my absence. When I return, if everyone survived my absence and the house isn’t turned upside down then I’m happy.

Women often face difficult choices between family and career. We make a lot of sacrifices in our careers for our family and sometimes we must sacrifice a few things in our family for the career. But given the choice, women will often choose family first because it is our nature. I like to think I can have it all. I like to think that I don’t have to sacrifice anything, that I can have the best of both worlds. Very naïve of me, I know. But, I still face those choices often and I am fortunate to work for a company that believes in the “Family First” philosophy. At the end of the day, my career is important to my family. What continue to build for myself in my career has also built some levels of comfort in our home that we would not enjoy without it. So I may have to sacrifice a few things with the family in order to provide for my family, at the same time I get to enjoy what I am doing as well. I am very fortunate to have a supportive family who wants to see me succeed and fortunate to have such a fun career where I can have incredible opportunities for myself.