This summer brought change

Summer blew by way too fast.  It always does, but this year seemed to be on hyperdrive.  It went by so fast that it seems like three months ago was years ago, and in that time I have grown and changed in ways I didn't really envision when the summer began.

A lot has happened that has changed the direction of my personal development.  I observed and lived through many experiences that have caused my perspectives to switched gears.  My life has taken on a different focus, which will bring many changes.....very difficult changes. 

I won't get into the details now as they are still too personal to share.  But what is to come is scary, exciting, terrible, and liberating....all at the same time.  It is a lot of emotion for one person to feel.  I have no idea where this road is about to take me because it is one I have never traveled before.  All I know is that I have to follow the road and take the journey I am about to embark on if I want things to improve. 

Many know of the struggles I have had throughout my life.  I don't keep them a secret because it is all part of who I am.  I try not to regret too many things that have happened in my life, but occassionally I can't help but think "what if".  In that lesson I have learned to take a deep breath and evaluate circumstances much more carefully before jumping in with two feet not knowing how deep the water is.

Even though I have no idea what is to come, I know I can handle whatever comes next.  I know that whatever comes will have great lessons for me.  I know that I will be better all around.  I firmly believe that life isn't about living every day in the safe zone.  So many people would rather live in misery knowing what tomorrow will bring rather than make changes, because it is safe.  Taking risks is very scary.  Change is very scary.  But taking risks and making changes in order to improve things for yourself and your family is always worth it.  My decisions may not always be popular, accepted, and people may place judgement on me...but I'm okay with that.  After all, it's my life and I don't need the approval of others because that is not what I am seeking.

What am I seeking?  Peace within myself.  I want to be happy with who I am, be the person I was meant to be, and most of all, be the mother my son deserves.  At this point in my life, it is all I want for ME.