ADHD Awareness Week

Many of you, like me, probably had no idea there was even a week that brought awareness to ADHD. I don’t think anyone can really appreciate this unless you really live the experiences of having a child with ADHD or being an adult with ADHD.

For those who have read my blog, you know the struggles Shane and I have had over the years. He has had so many ups and downs. I wanted to share his story one more time in support of ADHD awareness week and for those who don’t believe that ADHD is a true condition that can really cripple a child’s ability to function in society alongside his or her peers. Until you have lived it, you really cannot possibly understand. I know that there are many disabilities out there; so many that create hardships that are much more challenging than ours. But NO ONE has the right NOT to take this disability just as seriously as others. If not treated properly, children with ADHD struggle their entire lives. They have the potential to become alcoholics, drug addicts, high school drop outs, criminals, suicidal, or just live life by “getting by” without ever really reaching their full potential. Society tends to turn their back on them because no one understands how to socialize with them or find ways to help them succeed because it can be exhausting. The hardest thing about these last few years is seeing how many people choose, time and again, to turn their back on my son because they just don’t understand or how many people have turned their back on me because they think it is my fault for not being more disciplined with him.

When Shane was 18 months old, he began to show signs of his ADHD. I did not know it until recently, but children with ADHD will typically start to develop those “symptoms”, on average, at about 2 years of age. Shane began a bit earlier than that. His babysitter at the time did not know what to do about his multiple tantrums that were so violent, she would have to just stand back and let him go for fear he may cause her harm. His father and I had divorced when he was just barely a year old, so we thought that he was just having a hard time with that. But as time went on, he continued to struggle with tantrums, separation anxiety, serious behavioral problems at his daycares, and outright defiance to any form of authority. By the time he was 7 years old, he had been through 7 daycares. Every daycare claimed to be able to help him, and every single one quit on him when things became too difficult. I had one daycare that used to put him in a corner of the room by himself because they did not know “what to do with him”, there solution was to isolate him and ignore him during the course of the day. The director at his Private Kindergarten class and daycare told me that they just didn’t have the resources to meet his needs (the kindergarten class had ten children in it). He has thrown desks in classrooms, hit teachers, said inappropriate things, and his impulses are out of control. I developed positive programs with a few of these daycare programs, but their consistency usually fell apart after a few weeks and they would tell me they “can’t do the positive reinforcement any longer because it wasn’t fair to the other children”. Day after day, tear after tear, I looked at my boy, wondering where I had failed him as a mother. Wondering what I should have done differently in his early development to avoid all of these issues. I blamed myself for so many things and felt that “if only I had done XYZ different, maybe he wouldn’t be this way.” These first years of his life were the longest, hardest years I have ever experienced. I would get anxiety every time my phone rang, I felt helpless and out of control every day, and every time I would go to pick him up I would need to take a deep breath because I wouldn’t know what kind of report I would be getting.

Almost a year ago, a friend of mine who happens to be a behavioral specialist, suggested he may be ADHD. I said, “no way” because he had shown so many signs of reasons why he couldn’t be (turns out those signs, called “hyper-focus” is actually a symptom). She asked me if I had ever actually read about ADHD and what it actually is. I had to admit that I hadn’t. I was being ignorant and making a judgment call when I hadn’t even attempted to learn the facts. I went home that night and started researching. After a week of research, I had realized that I needed to start the process of having him evaluated.

The way society and the media talks, you would think that it is easy to get someone diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t think anyone really and truly appreciates how difficult it really is. Shane went through two different assessments, one with the school psychologist and one with a clinical psychologist. His teachers were so helpful with me through this, answering questions and giving information to the psychologists. The principal met with me on a few occasions to help me understand what I needed to do as a parent to get him in the correct programs. My son’s struggles continued to worsen. At one point my 7-yr-old sweet boy looked at me and told me he didn’t want to live anymore. When your baby says that to you, at such a young age, something snaps inside of you and I was determined to make these people listen to me and the needs of my baby boy. I was no longer only his mother, but I became his advocate as well. I was not about to let him suffer for one more day. After 5 months of evaluations and meetings, I finally got a diagnosis. I finally got someone to see what I saw and we made a decision to get him on ADHD medication. Deciding on medication truly is a big ‘ol science experiment. The psychiatrist told me that it could be ADHD or anxiety, the only way to know was to treat one or the other. So he asked me which one I thought we should treat. He told me the pros and cons of each side. After some thought and consideration of the risks, I decided to go with the ADHD medication. Instinctively, I felt that the anxiety was a result of the years of being punished and disciplined for constant behavior problems. Within weeks of this decision, I started to see a change. Months later as we started 2nd grade, it became clear that we went the right direction in treating the ADHD first. The psychiatrist felt that we had the right diagnosis and after some experimentation with the medication, it seems as though we have the right combination. Between changing his diet, increasing his Omega-3’s, the behavioral therapy, and the medication….I now get to sit back and watch my son enjoy life in every aspect.

Here are just a few comparisons from “Then” and “Now”:

THEN – 1st grade homework took on average, 1 hour to complete. Taking out the garbage from the kitchen to the outside trashcan would take 30 minutes if I didn’t follow him. When teachers would correct him on his schoolwork, he would throw a tantrum to the point the teacher had to remove him from the classroom. He would spend more time a football practice poking and messing with the kids around him, he would have to run all practice. I lost count of how many times his coach told him to “pay attention”. Children isolated him, teased him, bullied him because it was really fun for them to push his buttons and watch him explode. He was removed from general population recess because he was fighting every day. He was terrified to try new things or take risks because he was so tired of failing at everything.

NOW – He completes his homework on the 10-minute bus ride home. He not only takes out the trash, but he can vacuum the house, pick up after the dog, and make himself a snack in less than 30 minutes. He can even make himself scrambled eggs! He is now allowed to mentor and tutor the students in his class because he is so advanced in math. He is called a role model in class. Children want to play with him and be around him because he is encouraging and kind. He plays at recess with all of the children because he now can control his impulse and can think a little better about his consequences when he makes choices. He actually watches the football games on the sidelines. He has been allowed to learn new skills because he listens and is teachable. He has also helped his teammates by encouraging them to try. He is not afraid of risks. He tries new things and he doesn’t give up if it doesn’t work out.

One thing I have learned in all of this is that every child deserves to be given a chance, to have the adults around them give them everything they can to make their lives special and happy. Every child needs tolerance and patience from the adults in their lives, but children with ADHD need this more than anything. Shane has had a few people who have shown him love, acceptance, tolerance, and patience. A few that have never given up on him or turned their back on us. I thank them for this because it has made a difference for both of us.

My son never used to smile every day; the smile that tells a mother that he is happy, content, and feeling the joys of being a kid. I was terrified that I would never see this smile on my sons face. ADHD is a very challenging and difficult disability because it is difficult to diagnose and difficult for society to accept as a real disability. It is all too often just not taken seriously.

I now see that smile every day. We still have a very long road ahead of us, but I have hope that he will grow to his fullest potential and learn to live a life of love and fulfillment. He may struggle, but we now have the tools he needs to overcome his struggles. He has the support and the guidance that everyone needs to get through life.

As the week of ADHD Awareness comes to an end, I hope that folks will take this a little more seriously and learn more about what ADHD is as opposed to the myths and judgments that have been made about ADHD children and adults. I am hoping my son’s story will help others identify children like him and rather than dismiss the child as a “problem child”, maybe show that child a little more compassion, patience, and tolerance. Like my son, children and adults with ADHD need that acceptance and love. They deserve just as much as any other human being. They may not be the easiest people to live with, but they are some of the smartest, funniest, most lovable people you will ever meet… Just like my boy is.

"Life is a Highway" as the song says....

How much fun would life be if the paths we took was one straight road? No twists, no turns, nothing unexpected. Sometimes I think we all wish we could see straight ahead. There would be no questions about what is to come. There would be no surprises when something unexpected happened because you would be able to see it from a mile away if heading down a straight path. You could plan accordingly because you would know exactly what was coming from miles away. You could mentally prepare, have a plan of attack, develop strategies and have the right tools ready. How much easier would everything be if you could just SEE what was coming? Everything would sure be easier, but would it be any fun to know what’s coming? Maybe “FUN” isn’t the right word….


Unfortunately, life just isn’t that way.

Life is a mountainous road. Yes, a very windy, steep, curvy road. Sometimes there are ups and other times there are downs. Sometimes you come to a turn that requires you to slow down to a very safe speed so you don’t go over the edge.(yikes!) Some see these types of roads “fun”, but they are more often stressful and hard to maneuver through as opposed to “fun”….. At least for me.

When I traveled to Sedona this last summer with the family, there was a road that reminds me so much of my life. Realistically, it was about a 10 mile long road. It took about 45 minutes to travel that part of the highway because of its hair pin turns, steep climbs and dips, and all of the foliage that blocked our view from seeing the road ahead. If I went too fast, I felt like I was putting the family at risk. If I went too slowly, the cars around me would get so annoyed; they would tailgate me until I pulled over to let them pass. But each time we had to climb this road, or descend into the canyon on this road, the pressure I felt getting to and from our destination was stressful because I wanted to make sure I was making the right decisions with my driving to ensure everyone’s safety.

Certainly a car is much easier to maneuver on a steep road than life is. No matter how much I try to control the way I maneuver through life, it just doesn’t seem to get easier. When I was younger and less cautious, I would whip around those turns in life and go for it. Not really thinking about the impact. I wonder some days how I got through it all unscathed. Over time, I have significantly slowed down to a more cautious speed. I want to make the right decisions for myself and my family. I want to make sure that they are all safe. But sometimes, those turns are just too much and I can’t necessarily control all of the elements surrounding me. All I can control is my reaction, how I handle myself in certain situations. That in itself is not the easiest thing. I now have to remember that my decisions ultimately affect a little boy who is sitting in the backseat, trusting me to get him where he needs to go which makes me slow way down and think a little more cautiously about how I approach different situations.

My decisions have led me to even more unexpected twists and turns. Occasionally I have to stop and take a deep breath, but I hold onto the wheel and keep going. It is a very long road that could end at any moment. Life is definitely more interesting when you don’t know what is to come. But some days, I really wouldn’t mind if I could get a straight patch of road for awhile....