Mother Nature vs. ME (watch out Mike Tyson!)

It’s crazy how much power Mother Nature has. She really is very temperamental and unpredictable. And even if you have an idea of what to expect, thanks to our weather reporters, somehow we still think we can beat her.

I have had some run-ins with Mother Nature over the years. She ruined my beautiful outdoor wedding by the river 4 years ago and has made me late for work numerous times. She has made traveling difficult and scary at times. But every time, I have found a way to fight back. When the weather is bad in Reno, I usually miss the predictable weather of Southern California.

Last Saturday I planned on heading up to Donner Lake. I had been planning that day for probably 2 months. My plan was to do a mock run on my Donner Sprint Triathlon to get an idea of how ready I was. 5k race, open water swim clinic, and a 6-mile ride up Donner Pass Rd. I was excited and nervous.

I woke up at 6am and prepared for my 5k Race. I had some breakfast and warmed up with 1-mile jog on the treadmill. I left feeling ready for anything – boy did I get it! My 5k race took place at the bottom of what is known as “Windy Hill”. Saturday, that route earned its name. The first two miles were easy, but as I rounded a corner into my third mile the wind hit my face. 30-40 mph winds were fighting me all through that last mile. Thank goodness I wasn’t the only one struggling. I passed many people who were giving up and walking because the wind was so strong. And although I did slow down, it was hard work, and I still finished the race and ran the entire way – no walking. Those two pieces are always my goal. Finish and DON’T WALK.

Once finished, I drove up to Donner Lake in Truckee. The sun quickly disappeared behind the clouds the closer I got to the Lake. Right over the lake was a huge dark cloud. I parked the car on the road and started to walk down the ½ mile down to the lake. 54 degrees of wind and rain began to fall on my head as I made my way down to the shore. Once I finally found my group, I put my wetsuit on and ran towards the 55 degree water. Wetsuits are a great thing, but they don’t really do anything for your feet or your head. Within minutes, I lost feeling in both.

What a great swim clinic! I learned some new techniques, swam in the lake for a good 30 minutes, and felt so strong. Of course, I was swimming with some newbies who were all so impressed with my limited experience that, I have to admit, did go to my head a little bit. So as we took our last lap out to the buoy and back, I was feeling pretty tough. But the water got more and more choppy the further out into the water I got. I got about 10 feet from the buoy, lifted my head to site and breath when a little wave hit me square in the face. The shock of the cold water in my face and in my lungs was enough to stop me short of the buoy so I could catch my breath. I flipped right onto my back and headed back for shore. Such a bummer. Once I caught my breath I was able to swim back and finish with some dignity. I got the wetsuit off and proceed to hike back up to the road in my wet triathlon suit in the 54 degree wind and rain. Not my smartest move because I was very cold. But, I got it done and it felt really good to get out in the open water. I do have some more work ahead of me, but that was why I was there. To find out how ready I am.

So on to my bike ride. I got back in the car, cranked up the heater and drove to the other side of the lake. As I got closer to Donner Pass Rd, the road became more and more wet. The rain was coming down a little harder and I realized – there is no way this is going to happen. First of all, I am a chicken. When I ride down that hill, I typically use my brakes A LOT. Many people tell me that I should just let go and ride the 40 mph on my bike down the hill. “Lean into the turns” they say and “let the brakes go”. NO THANKS. So when I saw how wet the road was, there was no way I was going to risk riding down that hill on my bike. I was very sad, but I turned around and headed home.

As I drove home, I started to think “wait a minute, why would I let that stop me from doing my ride?” I realized that even though I can’t ride on Donner, I could certainly get back to Reno and ride on another road that was almost as challenging. So, I headed to Rattlesnake Mountain. I pulled up and got my bike off the rack; put it on the ground, and the wind was blowing so hard it promptly blew my bike right over. Not even thinking that hard gust of wind was a sign of what I could run into on the ride, I threw on my helmet, jumped on my bike and headed up the mountain (which is really kind of a hill). I made it up the hill fairly quickly and as I rounded a turn over a water reservoir, a gust of wind came through and nearly knocked me off my bike. I have to admit, it made me pretty nervous. I quickly adjusted my speed and balance to be able to handle the wind that had just become my mortal enemy. There was no way for me to just stop and go back, I had to finish my ride at that point. So I carefully and quickly rode the route and on that last hill, I turned against the wind. I really hate that. So with all of my might I peddled as hard as I could to get up that last hill, against the wind, at a mere 5mph. As I got to the top, one more gust of wind pushed me back and I nearly had to put my foot down but I yelled back at that stupid wind saying “Mother Nature, you are a *****, but you are not going to beat me!”

Needless to say, I did make it to the bottom safely. As disappointed as I was that the day didn’t go as well as I had hoped, I did feel pretty good about the fact that if I can get through all of those environmental conditions, I will probably do okay at the triathlon simply because my determination will get me to the end no matter what the obstacles. My time may not be the best and I may not finish in first place, but I have the will to get me to the finish line. I felt pretty good about that.

Experiences like this really make me feel ready to conquer the world, which is why I do it. Someone asked me once “what drives you?” As I thought about it, it’s the goal. I made a goal on Saturday to finish. No matter what happened, I was going to hit my goal. Time doesn’t matter, obstacles don’t matter. Both have an impact on how I finish, but the drive that keeps me forging ahead regardless of the challenge is that I must finish because it is my goal.

The moral of this story – set goals and don’t let anything or anyone stop you from hitting them. The feeling you get from that alone is AMAZING.

P.S. I am going back up to Donner on Sunday to swim again and attempt to ride my bike up the pass again. Let’s hope Mother Nature isn’t PMSing that day!

So Beautiful, I had to share

I came across a poem last night that brought me to tears.  It describes my son to a tee and it told me two things. 

1.  I am not alone
2. My son is not alone

So many wonderful people and children are out there that are struggling as we do and I am so fortunate to have found these pages where I can find people with similar challenges.  When I feel weak, I draw from their strength.  I also have a new community in which I can offer support.  Shane has a disorder that many people think they know, but really do not understand.  Children with ADHD are different.  Most people avoid them or judge them.  But these children are most often the sweetest, smartest children of the bunch.  But because they are different, people struggle to understand and relate to them.  These children make us adapt and change our own way of doing things.  Not many people can accept that.  It is easier to turn away than to look at yourself and decide how you can change to help another person succeed. 

My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me because he makes me look at myself and change how I approach everything in life.  Embracing that change, has truly been difficult, but very rewarding.  My bond with my child is that much stronger because of it.

So this poem is for my son.  Who loves me unconditionally through all of my imperfections and parental mistakes.

My A.D.H.D CHILD

BY TRACY
http://www.facebook.com/#!/HelpYourADHDChild

He’s bouncin’ off walls, a super ball gone insane.
He runs through your world like an off-rail freight train,
Interruptions are constant, tantrums galore,
When it’s time to do homework, he’s gone, out the door.
The drama is constant, oh his foot fell asleep,
He moans and he wails, the theatrics run deep.
School is a nightmare, the teachers are lost,
If they could only see, he is worth the cost.

He is brighter than most, as most kids are,
And with patience and love, I know he’ll go far,
But what I must take from well meaning friends
Don’t let him do that. Oh these rules that he bends.
You’re not a good parent. Your child’s really rude.
His temper’s Outrageous. He has hands in his food.
He hears and he wonders, just what’s’ wrong with me?

I tell him, your special, you have A.D.H.D.
Now A.D.H.D is a gift from above,
It teaches us how to strengthen our love
It helps to teach your teachers, no two kids are the same.
You have awesome energy that could bring you great fame.
You don’t need much sleep, you never wear down.
You’re silly and funny, when you act like a clown.
You’ve felt lots of pain from what people have said,
But you pray for those people when you go to bed.
So you try every day to make a fresh start,
For God gifted you with an extra big heart.

As I look at my child, he sees through my soul.
My heart feels like busting, as I realize my goal.
I know this boy like no one else could,
He’s blessed to me, he’s strong and he’s good.
So I’ll love him and guide him through the worst of the worst,
And he’ll make a great man (if I don’t kill him first).

I’m kidding of course ‘cause I know what’s to be,
When I look in his eyes, I see a reflection of me.

Let the Trial and Error of Medication Begin

Thursday I was able to finally meet with a psychiatrist with Shane.

The first question he asks me…. “Are you open to medication?”

This was the moment I have been hoping for in the past month or two. I feel like I have done everything I can to help Shane. Although there are improvements, he is still struggling every day. What hurts my heart the most is watching his self-esteem deteriorate.

Yet, as the psychiatrist asked me that question, "Are you open to medication", the last 6 years flashed through my mind. It’s amazing how long a second of thoughts takes to go through your mind.

I thought of my sweet baby boy and all of his daily struggles. I thought of the 7 daycares that we have had to leave. All of the phone calls from his caregivers that have had no idea what to do. My baby’s many tears of hurt and frustration as he has tried so hard to learn how to live day after day, feeling like he has no control over what he does and doesn’t do. I thought of the parenting books I have read over the years, therapists I have seen, and discussion after discussion to find answers. My own frustration and losing my patience so often because I am at a loss in how to raise this boy.

All of a sudden, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was giving up and had lost all confidence in myself to help my son. For a split second, I wanted to say “no, I don’t want to do medication! I can do this!”

Then, reality set in. The last 6 years have been so hard. Admitting I need help, is not a weakness. I took a deep breath and pushed those feelings and thoughts out. I remembered that this is just the next step in what needs to happen to help him. I reminded myself that I have done everything I can do and this is where I need to let go. None of that is easy for me. But, as I exhaled, I said to him “Yes, I am open to medication.”

Then the overwhelming information came flooding in, which diagnosis to treat first. Shane has ADHD and Anxiety. His anxiety is more than likely caused as a result from the years of being disciplined for his behavior issues rather than treating the ADHD. So, we felt it was best to treat the ADHD first.  The anxiety did not seem to be the primary issue, but a result of the many years of struggling with controlling the behavior.  The big concern was if the stimulants of the ADHD medication would increase his anxiety levels or if the anxiety would be controlled in managing the chemical imbalance n the frontal lobe that causes the ADHD.  I opted for going right for the root.  We can always make changes down the road, but I have always been a believer to treat the root, not just the symptoms.  So we have begun the trial and error process of medication. It is not a perfect process, nor will I know what is most effective until we start to see results, positive or negative. Time to gather all of the patience I can find and get ready for the ride.


After our conversation, I continued to drift off into my memories of the years of struggles.  It broke my heart to think that in all those years, I contributed to his anxiety. My lack of knowledge only aggravated his condition and made his life that much harder.  It nearly brought me to tears.  I realized however, I cannot think of that. I truly feel I am on the right track now. My past mistakes are just that - my past.  He is still so young and so capable of many things in his life. There is so much hope that I have to be grateful that we are here now. Even though I have those regrets, I have to let them go and realize that we are doing the right things now.
Parenting is already a guessing game. But, raising Shane has been far more than a guessing game. It is more like a gigantic maze in which you cannot see if you are going in the right direction until you hit a wall and have to turn around to try a different direction. I can’t go back the way I came, I just have to move forward in order to find the end. And just for the record – I am terrible at mazes. Raising Tyler and Bailey has had its challenges. But comparatively, their challenges are pretty text book as far as childrearing is concerned. Shane’s challenges have left us bewildered at times. But at the same time, he has taught me far more about me and about life, than any other experience I have ever had.

So, I'm ready to keep moving forward.  Ready for the next wall I run into during the course of this maze that may take me in a new direction.