My Run Down Memory Lane

2 weeks ago I lost a very dear family friend; really he was more than a friend. My siblings and I called him “uncle bill”. He wasn’t a blood relative. But, he knew my parents before I was born and remained a part of my life up until the day he died. He taught me piano. He groomed me to be an accompanist to singers. I am very lucky to have had such a wonderful teacher. Music has always been part of my life. He was there to help me develop my musical talents and I will always be grateful.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend his funeral. I was very sad I couldn’t attend, as they say, “life goes on”. I would have loved to neglect my responsibilities and go to the funeral to be with my family. However, I knew if Uncle Bill was aware of the burdens it would cause me to attend, he would have called me to repentance (in a very loving way) and insisted I stay home.

On the morning of the funeral, I had my final 5K Reno 5000 Series race. It was my final run of the year, my New Year’s Resolution. I decided this run would be for my Uncle Bill as a personal tribute to him. As I ran, my thoughts wandered to the memories I had of him. I thought of all of the stories (and there were many) he would tell around the dinner table. He loved telling stories and he loved to laugh. He was always kind, always forgiving, and always there.

As I rounded my last mile, I was very tired. My body was worn out from all I have put it through in the past month or so. I had a goal, a time to beat, and I had to somehow find it within me to get to that finish line faster than I had so far that year. I looked up to the sky at that moment and saw the sun coming over the hills. It was beautiful. Uncle Bill would have loved it – He loved Reno.

But something else entered my memories. At that moment I remembered when I was about 14 years old, my Uncle Richard challenged me to learn Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. He told me he would give me $100 if I could learn it. I took that challenge, but I needed my Uncle Bill to help me through it. It is about a 16 page sonata. Every week we would work at one page at a time. Uncle Bill not only taught me how to play the song, he taught me the emotion behind each note, what Beethoven experienced as he wrote it. The story is tragic and beautiful. It is a story of sorrow and determination. It is a depiction of struggle and pain as it turns to hope, then to fear, then to relief. Uncle Bill was passionate about this song. And every week I would listen to him, work the notes, keep trying, have moments when I would want to stop. He would encourage me and push me. He would tell me “just learn at least one more page!” I thought of that story as I hit that last mile and I knew I had to push myself harder than I ever had if I was to achieve my goal. Had I quit, I know I would have heard Uncle Bill in the back of my mind, telling me how I could’ve have done it! (I can see the whole conversation in my mind and I wish I was better at describing his mannerisms, but it would’ve been priceless!)

I crossed that finish line, and I did beat my time. But I can honestly say that run was the best run through memory lane I have ever had. He kept me company all along the way and we shared some very special moments together again. It was the most perfect, appropriate way for me to mourn for a man who had a great impact on my life. I will always remember him and will always be grateful for the life he lived. I hope to treat the people in my life as he treated me. Always encouraging, kind, understanding, and accepting.

And I promise, Uncle Bill, I will continue to play. And you will be part of every note I play.

Shane - Meds update

My worst subject in school was Chemistry. It never interested me long enough to hold my attention. I just did what I needed to in order to pass the class.

Now that Shane is on meds, I feel like I am living a chemistry class. Our first month on Concerta was actually pretty good. So many people noticed a big change in him. During the day, it was like magic. But once the meds started to wear off in the evenings, he started to “spin”. He would become highly energized suddenly, difficult to keep focused, getting him to bed was exhausting, and his mood swings would come back in full force. As happy as I was that he was doing so much better in during the day, I was still struggling with him in the evenings. It was very hard that the time I had with him was still a struggle. I wanted to be able to spend some good quality time with him as well.  Not too mention, his football practices will be starting this month and the time he was "spinning" was right at the time football practice would be held.  I spoke to Shane’s doctor and he felt we could switch him to a different medication.

Can I just say….whoa.

We switched him to 20mg of Vyvanse. The time release is supposed to be longer with none of the withdrawal effects he was having with the Concerta.

No offense, but it is like living with a pregnant woman. I can think of no better way to describe it. The change it caused in him has been a bit overwhelming. I was interested to spend the entire day with him yesterday to see how things would go. In the first few hours, he was great! As the day wore on, I saw him exhibit behaviors I have never seen before.

Suffice to say, I now feel like I am putting my poor boy through an array of science experimentation. I called his doctor first thing this morning and left a message that this new medication is not working out. So I imagine we will try something different and start a new process. Everyone responds differently to medications and unfortunately, you just don’t know what is going to happen until you go through the process.

And so the story will continue….