Understanding vs. Compassion

This is rather deep for a Wednesday, but my heart is very heavy today and here is why...

My heart breaks for the families who lost their children and loved ones in the tragedy of Sandy Hook.


My heart also breaks for the family of the boy who was capable of committing the horrible crime that he did.

My heart also breaks for this country who seems so confused about where the problems truly lie in preventing these tragedies.

I don’t usually get involved in discussing these topics publicly because I respect others opinions, but I am not 100% certain that others will respect mine. But, in this case, I feel I need to share my thoughts. Primarily because I am really tired of listening to all of the judgment passed on so many levels about so many things when we all should be mourning this tragedy and finding solutions for ALL of the issues surrounding it. I am finding that for many, it is SO EASY to place blame.

There is so much blame on gun control – which we have so much of and I am sure there is always improvements that can be made on this issue. But we cannot infringe on our freedoms at the same time. But it is NOT 100% to blame.

Everyone is sick of hearing this person had mental illness – Is it an excuse? No, but I firmly believe that if this country had better mental health care we would be able to treat these people early in life before these tragedies occur. And it really is misunderstood by most of the country. But it is NOT 100% to blame.

Schools need more security – yes, I am sure they do. Some schools are more secure than others; however, every school should evaluate their security measures and safety evacuations to make sure they understand how to handle emergencies. But it is NOT 100% to blame.

In my opinion, all of these things share blame. And we could debate all day about so many things in each of these issues but that really isn’t the point.

I think the biggest problem this society has is a lack of compassion. It is so difficult to understand all of the components and feelings involved in tragedies such as this. It also seems that it is more difficult for each of us to be compassionate towards every person involved because it is so difficult to understand.

But, none of us can possible understand how one deals with the loss of a loved one or a child. Everyone mourns differently and we cannot fathom how each person feels when they get that dreaded phone call telling you that you will never see that person again.

Not one of us can understand the pain and grief of a parent who raises a mentally or behaviorally challenged child. How can anyone understand the heartache of knowing that this child will struggle his or her entire life with the demons inside their head that they were born with and doomed to carry throughout life. And even worse, doing everything you can to raise this child in fear that he or she may harm others only to get a phone call one day that it happened, the tragedy that you, as a parent, have failed your own child as well as countless others who are now experiencing the consequences of your child’s actions.

None of us can understand the pain of that person who struggles day in and day out with those mental and behavioral disorders that drive them to do unspeakable things that make them feel worthless and hopeless.

For those who don’t even own guns or who are terrified of having them in the house, how can they possibly understand the necessity of others to have such things in their home in order to feel safe and secure for themselves and their families? And on the other side, how can folks who carry guns understand the fears within those who want nothing to do with a gun and think they should be banned altogether.

No one can understand all of our differences in thoughts and feelings. Our different upbringings and perceptions based on our personal experiences. We all have our different way of faith and beliefs, even how we cope.

WE CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. BUT WE CAN BE COMPASSIONATE.

Compassion, I have read, is a fundamental ingredient of human love. It is empathy for the suffering of others, and a foundation for how we as a society can connect with one another. And to take one step further, I believe that Unconditional Compassion is even a greater love achieved by the human spirit, one that has empathy and love for others and grieve for their suffering beyond our own capability of understanding exactly what that person has experienced in life to bring them to where they are.

As I have read all of the opinions on the websites, facebook, blogs, etc ( and there are many), about gun laws, the affects of mental illness, knowing right from wrong, security of a school, the mother’s mistakes in raising her child… These are the posts that break my heart the most. Because they all lack the one thing this society needs more than anything right now as a whole … COMPASSION.

So even though you may disagree, become offended by another’s opinions, or even angry at some of the words that others may say, I am asking one thing of my friends and family. Please remember compassion. Remember to teach your children compassion and take this opportunity to teach your children how the GOOD things in this world can overcome the BAD things. Set the example for them because they need us to show them that this is how we should treat each other in order to have hope and feel safe.

We don’t need to understand every situation, but the only way we can change this world and make it better is if we have compassion and be kind towards one another.

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”   The 14th Dalai Lama (born 1935);