WHY do I do this?

My New Year’s Resolution this was to complete a series of 5K’s called the Reno 5000 along with a few others that I really wanted to be part of because of the community spirit involved. It is a total of eight 5K races. A 5k is only 3.1 miles. Some may say “that’s not too far”. But one thing about the Reno 5000, the courses are a little harder than the community races.


Last Saturday was no exception. After climbing the final hill in the last mile of the race, I literally wanted to die. I had to talk myself through that last hill and I am certain the other runners thought I was crazy. At 9am, the sun was already beating down, there was no breeze, no trees or shade, and the course was a very rough dirt road. I was off-road running! Halfway through the race, I found myself thinking “I don’t care about my time, I just want to live thru this!”

This particular race was a mental challenge for me. Race #1 was my first 5K of the year. I was not completely healthy and was not completely in shape. My goal for these 5k’s are simply – finish and don’t walk. Of course the competitor in me wants to see my time improve over my past races. I don’t really care where I place, as long as it isn’t last. Race #1 is the worst I have every done in these races. My time was the slowest it has ever been since I started running in 5k’s and worst of all, I WALKED. Yes, I gave into my urge to give up and walk, just for a few feet. I couldn’t believe it as I walked the course and everyone passed by me. I was so humiliated I wanted to just keep walking all the way to my car and drive myself home in shame. After about 1/8 of a mile and a lot of self-talk to convince myself that I really can do this, I started running again. Part of the mental struggle I ended up having, was seeing all of the other encouraging family members along the course. I was dumb enough to tell my family that they did not need to come and watch, I thought I would be fine on my own. Turns out that I was sad and lonely being there by myself. I had nothing to drive me when I lost my own will. I have since told my family that they need to be there. Something happens to me when I know that my family is there. It is this sense of accountability. And as I run to that finish line, they are there on the side cheering me on. There is nothing better than seeing them there as I run across the finish line.

Race #2 was my chance for redemption. I had run in that particular park before so I figured “no sweat, I got this.” I trained hard the week before, carb-loaded, and warmed up with a mile run that morning. Troy and Shane were planning to be there so I had my support system. I stood at the starting line and looked at the start of the course and I thought “I got this, it’s only 3.1 miles!”. When I hit mile 1, I still felt confident in how well I was running. Then I hit mile 2. The uphils and downhills were long and steep. The path was about a foot wide. There were rocks and holes in the dirt everywhere. One wrong step would be bad. At one point I was running downhill along a steep cliff. As I came to mile 3, I saw it…..the hill. From the bottom of the hill looking up, I swear it never ended. It’s like that bad dream where you are running and you think you are almost at the end, but you really don’t seem to be getting any closer. All I had to do was get to the top and I was home free. Every step got me closer, but it got harder. I had to start convincing myself to take each step, and I was almost there. It seems like years, but I got to the top. And when I did, I wanted to lie down and die. But, I saw that last stretch and started running faster. Something about seeing how close I am to finishing motivates me to run really fast. Not because I want to beat someone out, or improve my time. I just want to be DONE.

Finishing that race reminded me why I do these races to begin with, because before each one I ask myself “WHY do I do this??”. It’s really pretty simple, these races challenge me. Life keeps me so busy sometimes that I forget to find things that challenge me as a person. I don’t always remember to take care of ME. Personal development is so important and I think as any mom, I forget too often to take care of ME too. When I started running in these 5k’s, I had something that challenged my mind and body. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I worry so much about my kids’ self-esteem and growth; sometimes I forget that I need to build my own self-esteem as well. These races remind me how good it feels to overcome a challenge and empowers me to overcome other challenges I have in my life in every aspect.

I may never win any of these races, but for me, I don’t need to. It is enough for me to get out there and accomplish something for me. It’s the only time that my life is all about me. It is a sacred selfishness that I need to and will continue to include in my life.

2 or 3 more races to go in order to reach my goal this year…. Oh and a sprint triathlon. :)